Last Sane Man Standing - Blog of Corey Deitz

"Halloween Suicide"

October 22, 2007

It seems I had a lot more time during the summer than I have lately for writing in my own blog. Sorry about that to anyone who might have been patiently waiting for more.

Although, I kind of doubt anyone was listlessly going through their day anytime over the last couple of weeks wondering when I would scribe a new post. I would worry about you if you did.

Today on our show, Jay announced it was a good day to kill yourself.

What a charmer, eh?

It was a gray, cloudy, rainy Monday and a little after 9:00 a.m. he just launched into a vivid description of why today was the perfect day to "check out".

I disagreed - citing the perfect day to kill yourself would be a beautiful, sunny one so it was the last thing you saw. But, then again if you're suicidal, you're probably not following Ed Buckner's forecast. Hell, that's what may be pushing you over the edge.

Anyway, a few minutes later a long-time female listener called to mention a couple of things and then announced she had made the final plans for her funeral and was planning to kill herself on Halloween.

Since we're a little cautious about many things people tell us, I was skeptical at first but toward the end of the call almost half-believed her. I honestly don't know if she was putting us on or being serious. She claimed to be one of our older listeners and insisted it was just time.

I hope she was kidding. I mean, I think we can all speak to the value of life and how precious it is but honestly, she has given little thought to the other people in her life and how this will affect them - like Jay and me.

I mean, just our luck I'll bet she is due to be surveyed in November by Arbitron, the company that measure audience for radio stations.

For the love of God, couldn't you please have the decency to wait until the Fall Arbitron period is over before you eliminate yourself from our audience and take your big dirt nap?

Is it too much to ask to stay alive for the sake of our ratings and jobs? I mean, how can you be so selfish!!!

New rule: nobody kills themself until after Christmas. Then, we don't care if you decide to strangle yourself with a clump of mistletoe or electrocute your sorry ass by plugging your finger into the empty outlet of some icicle lights. OKAY?