Last Sane Man Standing - Blog of Corey Deitz

"Gluttony is Red and Sweet"

October 2, 2007

In my backyard, by the woodline, I hung a hummingbird feeder which is just chock full of the red, syrupy, sweet goo hummingbird's just love.

The first time I went to refill it and each time afterwards, I've noticed ants inside the feeder tube who have apparently pushed their way in through the small holes designed to faciliate the outward flow of the red, syrupy, sweet goo.

I think it is curious.

These ants climb up a tree, march across a branch, rappel to the bottom of the feeder and go the wrong direction into clearly marked one-way holes because of the lure of free, red, syrupy, sweet goo.

Then, once they are free to consume all they can eat, they drown in their dinner.

According to a French proverb: "A glutton is one who digs his grave with his teeth."

Isn't the relationship between food and death a bitch?

Not enough of it, you die.

Eat too much of it, you die.

Eat the wrong foods, you die.

Scheduled to be executed for crimes? You get a last meal - and you die.

Christ!

Food is one big pain in the ass! Speaking of Christ: Become a Messiah, you get a Last Supper - and you die!

Then there's the "Food Chain". If you're on the bottom, everything eats you.

If you're on the top of the food chain, everyone fights you for everything under you.

Don't you see: you're fucked no matter what.

Yes, it's survival of the fittest which means if you're a strong bastard you'll get the best and most meals. But, if you eat too much you'll soon become so fat and slow, Darwin will toss you into the trashbin of evolution.

Expressions I hate include: "food for thought". Like hell. Eat a steak dinner with a nice, big baked potato and you're going to want to take a nap in front of your widescreen TV. So much for any intellectual activity.

I hate the name "Weight Watchers". Ever eaten one of those crappy meals? You microwave it and then you wait, and watch, and wait and watch to see if any thing that resembles a meal will apear.

And don't get me started on dieting. I've battled weight all my life. The best I can hope for is one day God will drop a hummingbird feeder in my backyard the size of my tool shed filled with cheetohs and pizza. Then, he'll say to me, "Corey - come into the light..." as I make my way into the feeder tube and suffocate in snack foods.

Maybe the ants know something I don't.