Last Sane Man Standing - Blog of Corey Deitz

The Problem With Gas Ain't "BP" - It's B.C.

May 23, 2007

My wife just got home and told me she filled up her gas-hogging SUV and it cost $50 bucks. Man! This is really starting to add up, isn't it?

But, if you think this current crisis was created over the past few years by the big oil companies because of their greed, I'd like to differ.

Nope. The real problem goes back a little further - and is the direct result of some brainy ancestors and some real dumb animals.

First, how about a big "screw you" to the Sumerians who archaeologists think invented the wheel about 3500 B.C. in Mesopotamia? Thanks a lot! Because of you clowns we have all these damn cars.

Oh, and a big "shout-out" to the freaking dinosaurs who lived during the Mesozoic Era about 245 million years ago and then up and died because of some sissy asteroid that threw the earth into an ice age and turned their asses into oil. Some survivors YOU turned out to be. NOT!

So because of those two facts of history we get the equation:

Wheels + Oil = $ Your Freaking Gas Charges

So, don't blame BP, Mobil, Exxon, OPEC, or any of those other two-bit players. The real pricks here are the Sumerians and dinosaurs.

By the way: what used to be Mesopotamia is now smack dab in the center of the Middle East.

You ever get the feeling those bastards who invented the wheel also knew damn well their descendents would control all the oil, too?

You ever get the feeling we never had a chance?